Is it possible that somebody on your team could be holding you back? Is there somebody on your team that just doesn’t seem to want to engage with the road to success in the same way you do? Well maybe that’s ok. And it’s better if you find out sooner rather than later.
My son, Dylan, and I have an excellent relationship. He’s fourteen years old and he’s a great kid. He’s a good student, and like most teenagers, he also has problems that need solutions.
Awhile back I was driving Dylan to school and asked him how things were going for his first year of high school. He described routine conditions regarding most of his classes except PE (Physical Education). When it comes to PE, he may not be a super star, however he always participates hard and is generally among the “above average” kids so I was a little surprised. In this case, he was running into a challenge with two boys in his class. He said they were giving him grief by calling him an over-achiever.
What Dylan didn’t know is that I had dealt with a similar situation when I was a teenager and my step-father was not the kind of person I could have had this kind of conversation. It was important to me that I give my son a practical answer and this is what I shared with him.
There is no such thing as an over-achiever.
We are all trying to achieve at a level we feel is suitable for us. For many, this means that we are still working hard to achieve higher levels of success, while others may feel as if achieving “just enough” is okay with them.
Additionally, many times the people calling others over-achievers are only striving to hold others down to their level. They are only concerned that others do not out-perform them, not elevating themselves. This outlook can be driven by many things, such as self-esteem issues or fear of being left behind and “over-achievers” are often seen as a threat. When I mentioned this, my son informed me that the two boys were in 2nd and 4th place while running the mile; one step ahead and one step behind my son who was in 3rd place. Was he an over-achiever or were they trying to hold him back so his success would not outshine theirs?
Finally, the very act of saying anybody else as an over-achiever is a self-limiting behavior. It allows us to believe that another’s level of success is unattainable. What if Michael Jordan had grown up thinking that Magic Johnson was an over-achiever? Do you believe that he would have had the grit and determination it takes to earn six National Basketball Association championships?
So what does this have to do with referrals, or business in general? In referral marketing or business, our success is largely determined by the people we allow to be on our team. If we allow ourselves to have team members that believe us to be over-achievers every time we suggest improving our position by attending a networking event, reading a book, or taking a class together, we are allowing them to hold us down to a level of success that is beneath our desires and capabilities.
Ask yourself… Is your team achieving on the level you want to achieve on or do they think of you as an over-achiever?
I recently checked in with Dylan about how this was going. He had chosen to let it go. He didn’t respond when they said it to him and he didn’t let it bother him anymore. They don’t really engage with him anymore and that’s what he wanted. They are still all very close in position when they run, though he is now running his race for himself, not against the others.
Dylan could have chosen to ask those boys if they wanted to get faster along with him. He could have suggested that they help each other by encouragement, practice, and working with their coach. That conversation is a whole different level of understanding what you’re trying to achieve and bringing others up with you. As a teenager, the social paradigm might not be ready for that, but we’re all grown-ups, right?
Who do you need to ask if they are ready to achieve a new level of success?